i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
