I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize