I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
