Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
