His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it's great music for shaving your balls
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize