We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
