just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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