He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
