all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
