Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
