I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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