so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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