Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
