what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
