mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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