He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
