I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
