pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
