Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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