And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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