It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
