The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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