Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
