they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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