I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
