i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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