I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
