i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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