the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
