Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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