dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
