We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
