oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
