The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
