Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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