Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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