You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
