I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
