He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
