It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize