We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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