I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
