Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize