i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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