yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are we still banned from the library?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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