Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
