Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
