u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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