i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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