maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
