I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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