i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
