Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
