Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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