The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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