I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
