So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Your dad touched me again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
