Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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