Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
