i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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