somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
