rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
