Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My vagina is very pro this idea
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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