no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
