I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
