I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
