I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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