Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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