Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
