so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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