Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize