the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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