it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
