My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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