just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dear god my vagina.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
