Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
