I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
