I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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