He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the condom got lost in my hair
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
