Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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