He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
