im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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