i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
