i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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