But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
