I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
