Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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