i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
