So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
