I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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