I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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