so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
