i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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