well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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