She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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