1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
