I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
