I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
